Last weekend I went to a little village in the tablelands and spent some time with some amazing women.

We were sharing stories and marvelling at how far we had come and how happy we were and solving the problems of the world.  Late into the night the conversation turned to “dating”.   Not that any of us are single, or even want to be, but most of us had shared that part of our lives in a different time.

I was reminded of a journey I took and a thing I like to call “pair and a spare”.

I had moved from my home state and arrived in Northern Queensland with 8 boxes – this was now my life for good or for bad.  As I unpacked those boxes I decided I wanted to re-invent myself, be brave, take the leap, do things I had never done before but more importantly I wanted to grow.

Part of that journey was getting to know what I wanted in a relationship, or more importantly what I didn’t want. I was now in my 40’s, the prime of my life, it was now or never.

So on the advice of a friend who said “We look in the ads when we buy a car or a house or any other big investment, why wouldn’t we use that as an option for finding our partner, isn’t that an even bigger investment in our life?”  Hence I dipped my toe into the world of internet dating.

Wow, was I ever under prepared for what was about to happen and what I was about to experience.  But wait that is another story.  As time progressed I developed a strategy called “pair and a spare”, without getting too technical it basically meant I had decided I was going to get to know and date people that I may have never dated in my previous life and I was going to date more than one person at a time.  I wanted to hear there stories and I wanted to get to know them, I wanted to date.

The rules were clear I needed to be open and honest with anyone I dated and this was about getting to know people not so much about intimacy.  When the relationship went to the next level there was no “pair and a spare”, called me old fashioned but that did not work for me.

What I found about me and how I grew up and developed surpassed anything I could have expected.  I had fun, I cried, I fell in and out of love and was treated as a princess at times.

So where did it all end, sorry ladies and I hate to sound like a cliché but it ended with me meeting the most amazing, loving and supportive man who loves me for me and thinks I am beautiful even when I am clearly not – let’s face it no one looks attractive after only 3 hours sleep and panda eyes staring over a cup of coffee, but still I get greeted with good morning beautiful.

What I learnt during that transition period has set me up for the life I have now, was it easy, did it happen over night, is my life perfect?  Hell No…..but I can tell you I love this person I have become and I love my life the way that it is.

So if you are single, looking for someone to share your life with and do not know where to start why not give “pair and a spare” ago.  What have you got to loose.

Author: Michele Reading, Startafreshlife – Life Coach

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