Discrimination

There are times in all our lives we feel isolated, lonely and overwhelmed.  None more so when we lose someone we love with all our heart.

Well meaning and caring people will say “come on cheer up”, “it could be worse”, “come on be strong”, “have a little cry you will feel better”, “they would swap places with you” and my favourite “it just takes time”.  We do all those things and nothing seems to change.  People do this as they truly don’t know what to say or how to make it better for you.  They do it because they care.

We start to hide how we feel so as not to let those around us feel uncomfortable or responsible for us, that is not what we are looking for.  We cry behind closed doors, we force ourselves to go out and try and enjoy life, but in the background there is this underlying grief that will not leave us.

A few years ago my father passed away with a brain tumour.  My mother has never fully recovered from this loss and I know I say those words above to her and try to convince her that we love her and we are here to support her.  She says she knows, she says it’s enough, but I know she cries by herself and she misses my father so bad it is a physical pain in her heart.

We are forever thankful that she has stayed with us and fights every day to find a reason for her that makes it worthwhile to stay with us.  She knows she is lucky because of the love and support she has from all her family and friends.  But still there is this hole that cannot be filled in her heart…..

She does not look for sympathy, she tries as hard as she can, but still the pain is there.  Mum I just wanted to let you know I understand and although this feeling may never leave you we love you for who you are, what you have made us and how you fight in the only way you can each day.  You are now our father and mother, those are big boots to fill but you do a mighty fine job.

So when you are grieving silently, please don’t worry about our feelings, what we say, or what we think.  These are your feelings and there is a reason that only you know as to why you can’t move forward.  Stop, breathe, cry, laugh and love, it proves you are human and that is a good thing.